by Rohan Gonsalves
I’ve struggled with severe eczema my whole life. My skin becomes extremely dry and itchy, making it difficult for me to carry on a regular day. In my early years, it was a noticeable but bearable part of me that did not restrict me from doing things I enjoyed. Doctors said it would improve as I grew up, but in my case, it was the opposite.
Around middle school, everything spiraled out of control. My eczema worsened to the point that I woke up each morning with cuts and wounds covering my body and dark circles around my eyes from itching through the night. Not a day went by when I wasn’t feeling pain or discomfort. It felt as if, everyday, my biggest fear in this world was the length of my nails. I got through each day, though, slowly and painfully, wearing hoodies and long sleeves even in the summer so people wouldn’t stare or ask questions. I missed out on hiking or swimming in the ocean with friends because it would cause too much pain.
I tried every solution in the book. Steroids, soaps, diets, and even putting socks on my hands when I slept to prevent scratching. Every dermatologist I saw prescribed ever-stronger steroids that would be detrimental to me in the long run. The lotion bottles I emptied could stack higher than skyscrapers. My mom spent countless hours trying to fix my skin, sleeping beside me, itching for me, getting dark circles of her own – yet I still became angry when she would tell me to stop itching. The thought of her not knowing the exact feeling frustrated me. It was a life I hated living, constantly questioning, “Why me?”
Probably, the worst part was when I had to quit my favorite hobbies, soccer and tennis. The constant exposure to the heat, grass and sweat triggered my eczema to the point where I was itching more than I was running on the field. I hated stopping in the middle of the season; I keenly missed the two activities that filled up my weeks and weekends, and losing my friendships with my teammates made my days go by even slower.
While I was at my low point, though, I found an escape. I had to accept this issue and find a new life with it in music. Neymar became Beethoven, grass became concert floors, soccer balls became piano keys, and my coach became my music teacher. I focused on perfecting my craft at the piano and guitar while also teaching myself graphic design. I spent hours a day practicing, letting my frustration go with each note and brushstroke. In high school, I started a guitar club as a creative outlet for students, and I also began to DJ for homecomings, birthdays and other social events. Using my graphics skills, I founded a small business creating logos for school clubs and friends. With these creative and social outlets, I started to become happier.
In tenth grade, as I learned to live with eczema, I learned also to stop asking for pity. I realized that staying sad is a terrible coping method. I realized that everyone has problems, and everyone deals with them in different ways. I realized that there are people who have it far worse than me, and I should be grateful for the opportunities I have. I realized that staying sad is a terrible coping method. Through this, I became more appreciative of the things and people around me. This concept of acceptance is something that I feel like everyone should come to at least once in their lives. I was fortunate enough to understand this at an early age, which in turn, improved every aspect of my life. I became just happier as a person, ultimately being able to stop caring what people think of me. No one in this world should ever compare themselves to other people. It is a negative and horrible way of going about life, where that individual will never be able to be content with themselves. The ability to live one’s own life with no regret is a blessing, and I am fortunate enough to say that I do that everyday, and I would not have been able to if it wasn’t for my eczema.
And even though there were many dark times, my eczema shaped me into a stronger, independent, more considerate person. Without this vital part of me, I don’t know how I would’ve led my life. The lessons learned, and the traits I gained from this ongoing journey far outweigh any pain and discomfort I ever felt. If I could have another hundred lives, I would choose this one every single time.